Thought for the Day: When emotions are high – thinking is low.
I froze. I felt embarrassed and humiliated. I lost my train of thought and wasn’t sure how to respond. The occasion – my monthly book club get- together – hardly the setting for such drama. After all, we have been meeting for ten years – and we are friends. So what happened?
It was my turn to select a book for the following meeting. I was prepared. I passed out a sheet with 4 suggested books along with a review of each. Before I could open my mouth one group member saw my first suggestion and went ballistic. She said she would not read the book — that she had seen the movie and walked out. She went on to say that she found it disgusting and that although those things happened she didn’t have to subject herself to them. Silence –embarrassing for me and the others. (Ironically, it was my favorite of the 4 and I had hoped to sell my friends on choosing it.) I mumbled something about waking at 1:00 AM and reading the dastardly culprit through the night. Then I stumbled through a brief explanation of my other choices.
In the calm of the next day I realized I could simply have made light of the comments and said something like “I guess you won’t be voting for this one.” We would have laughed and moved on. Or I could easily have said something like “Those of you who can stomach a bit of ‘graphic gore’ may love reading this mystery on your own.” But I didn’t choose either response. WHY? I equated what was said about a book as a judgment of me – and my precious ego had been bruised. How ridiculous.
This is not the first time I have been caught in this trap – both in my personal and professional life. My solution the next time is to pause and take a breath (maybe two), to process what was said, by whom, in what setting — and then respond appropriately. P P R Will it help? I don’t know, but I’m hell-bent on working at it.
As always, dear readers, I appreciate hearing your thoughts and opinions.
e-mail to a friend
Oh my, how I can identify with that. My ego is always bruised in such a situation, and — like you — I always wish I had responded differently. Remembering to breathe is a good suggestion. I do a good job of teaching people to do that. Not so good at it myself.
Boy, can I relate to this situation. I freeze or say something I wish I didn’t. And sometimes I say nothing, and wish I would have spoken up in the right way. It is also interesting to me that our words can be so powerful, and what isn’t our cup of tea, may be rich, and a blessing to another. Thank you for the tip on remembering to PPR. So glad I saw this article.